Chinchillas v. Alicia

Alicia Sacramone had a rough night in the gymnastic team finals. She fell off the beam and stumbled through her floor routine. At the end of the evening, she was being interviewed. Her beautiful brown eyes filling with tears as she explained how she cost America the gold. The reporter was relentless asking more questions than a trampled gymnast should ever have to answer.

At the end, the satisfied reporter sent it back to the anchor woman in the studio. She said that Alicia's parents had a really tough job tonight, trying to reassure their daughter of her inherent worth. Then she said this is probably when her parents wish they were raising chinchillas.



I am sure many chinchilla owners can be overheard saying, "Thank goodness I don't have an Olympic gymnast daughter. I have my chinchilla."

Likewise, I am sure Alicia's parents can be overheard whispering, "If we would have only given birth to chinchillas..."

Thank you anchor lady for such insight.

Olympic Proposal For Equality

The Olympic Spirit has swept through my household. The rafters no longer look like indispensable structural centerpieces; they begin to resemble the parallel bars that will enable my husband and I to begin our gymnastics careers. The love seat that once held movie-watchers now appears to be a vault daring us to sprint, catapult, twist, turn, and stick the landing. I, like most, have dreamed about being an Olympian since I can remember. I recall the thought that if my parents only built an ice skating rink in our back yard, I would without doubt be the best figure skater ever seen.

As I grew older, I began to fall in love with other sports. Most events have certain body types that are better suited for these contests. The inequality of this has struck me as un-American, so I believe that I have a solution that has already been instituted in part within several progressive sports. In wrestling and boxing, participants weigh-in and are only asked to compete against those who share their physical characteristics. What if in volleyball participants measure-in? Those who are short then can play against other short people, and perhaps, they could have a net that is proportional to their height. This could be instituted in basketball, volleyball, and the high jump. Think of all the short people who could finally become what they were meant to be.